Friday, December 10, 2010

The Lesson


"Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Last week – ah, such a lovely miracle week that culminated on my birthday. It was the best. I was feeling strong, centered, enthusiastic and energized. To cap off the week - a wonderful Sunday dinner surrounded by my loved ones left me walking on a cloud. Then came Monday.
Remember when you were a little kid in kindergarten, and you take all this time to build a big castle out of blocks, only to have some mean bully come along and kick it over? That’s what happened to me spiritually this week. As this year mercifully draws to a close, I’m feeling shaken and fragile. But I decided to use last week to rebuild my reserves, to find my hopeful place and start again. It was working, too. I could feel myself getting stronger, getting back to my true self.
And then…WHAM-O. It’s amazing how we can be surrounded with love and goodness, but one act of cruelty can kick that tower of hope down so easily. It only took one person’s hateful words and judgment. It was someone that I thought loved me, someone who mattered a lot to me. Before I knew it I was physically knocked flat by a stomach flu that lasted three days, all the while her hateful words churning in my gut, and the why? why? why? circling in my brain… Add to that a spate of bad news emails of illnesses and deaths. Add to that two more rejection letters from agents. I was down, in the downest way. (Know what’s worse than getting rejection letters from agents? Getting them while you have the stomach flu.)
One of my girlfriends wrote me this morning from Arizona. Where are you? Why aren’t you blogging? I need some inspiration here! Girl, I hear ya, but hang on a minute while I crawl out of this hole and figure out what the hell just happened.
I’ve always believed that LOVE is bigger than FEAR, but I learned something this week. What we believe in most is what is biggest. For the past few days, I let that hate become bigger in my soul than all the love that surrounds me. Even though I knew they weren’t true, I let her words infiltrate me, inhabit me, fill my gut, my heart, my mind until I was physically ill. And then I was mad at myself for letting it happen. FEAR won.
So I got up with the sun this morning and spent some quiet time alone, looking for the lesson in all this ugliness. What I realized was that yes, sometimes I might be weak and let fear in, but I always have the choice to turn it around. I decided to let the LOVE in my life be bigger, let the LOVE consume the fear and the hate. I even imagined the love like a hungry little pac-man, gobbling up all her ugly words. I know I can’t control what someone says about me, nor whether they love or hate me, but I can choose what I believe in. I believe that I will be okay, no matter who hates me, no matter how many agents reject me, no matter if my own family of origin never embraces me – I have love in my life. LOVE. Love is the light in my life…and like the old gospel song says -
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine…
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine…

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine…
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…

9 comments:

  1. i love hollye dexter.
    i love YOUR TRUTH.
    your heart & soul.
    your courage.
    think of how many people you inspire EVERY SINGLE DAY but sharing your wisdom, words, courage, heart, life STORIES, soul.
    you probably don't have a clue how many...
    you are such a goddess.

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  2. Dearest Hollye,
    There is another song, "You are my Sunshine," which comes to mind when I think of you. I love your honesty and courage. Did you see the two recent posts by our sweet Melody, written by Wayne Dyer? One says, ""How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." And the other, “You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being -- not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money -- but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason.”
    I KNOW you know that, but just in case you forgot, I, and Melody, and Wayne are reminding you of those special thoughts.
    And even if your family of origin rejects you, that is their problem, their karma.
    Keep your sharing coming our way girl. We love you.
    Thank you for all you give!

    Cheryl Moseley

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  3. Hollye,

    You are an inspiration. Thank you for your honesty. It sure is easy to relate to your blogs. You are loved by so many and always will.

    Your anonymous friend,
    Robbie

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  4. Thank you angels. Amy - OY! Look who's talking!
    Sweet Cheryl - thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. Hope I can return the favor.
    Anonymous Robbie who I've known for more than thirty years...big love to you my brother.

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  5. There ya go, changing the world again...

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  6. This is one awesome story to share with all of us...thank you for your inspiration....like the Little engine that could!

    blessings to you!!

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  7. Okay I want to know who it is so I can call them and yell at them for being mean and nasty to my friend Hollye. Someone spewing hatred is all about them and has nothing to do with you. They are angry people and they should be taken off your list forever. That is not a true friend who loves you. Your vision of them was wrong so get rid of them and don't call them or speak to them again. Boundaries.

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  8. You are absolutely right about what we believe being stronger than other factors. So beleive in yourself. I am going to share this line with my kids and grand kids. Also when my kids and grand kids benefit from this line of yours, you will get "sawab" ( a good return) from some one above us all.

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  9. Oh Hollye, I am so sorry to hear about this. I've been out of touch due to a nasty cold and am finally catching up on your wonderful and inspiring....yes, definitely inspiring and so very honest blogs.
    So sorry someone went and said things to hurt you. YOU of all people!! How is that possible? How could anyone ever say anything mean and hurtful to you? I just don't get it. I just don't understand where this 'hate' comes from. Anyway, dear sweet Hollye, please know that you are LOVED by people who matter. Those relationships that tear you down instead of build you up, should just be cast aside. And yes, "let the LOVE consume the fear and the hate."
    Just remember how much you are adored and loved.
    xoxoxoxo
    ~Maxee

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I love hearing your point of view- thank you for taking the time to comment and be part of the conversation!
love,
Hollye